Category Archives: humor

life without trader joe’s


Or, How Sabrina is Coping Poorly Outside of Her Natural Habitat.

I miss Trader Joe’s.

That can pretty much sum it all up.

But I’ll explain, because that makes a better story.

Okay.  I’ve lived within reasonable proximity to a Trader Joe’s (2-4 miles) for the past 8 years or so (and Whole Foods, but they’re becoming over-rated).  Oh, you don’t know what a Trader Joe’s is?  Let me fix that.

Trader Joe’s is essentially a haven for wanna-be foodies who have a budget, hippies who desire vegetarian, organic, and alternative fare, and it is also friendly to those who live gluten-free.  In Southern California, Trader Joe’s is frequented by yuppies; in the PNW, well, Trader Joe’s is a given for almost anybody.  There you can find the yummiest coconut milk ice cream, the cheapest organic spaghetti sauce, the tastiest dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt, some of the most innovative food creations, cheap, organic veggies, the best junk food paraded as healthy food, and mostly, I was a very happy human being shopping there.

For four of those years, I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest, where I naturally acclimated as a nerd, quasi-hippie, musician, bookworm, and an individual who is generally interested in the arts.  Health food stores are a given there (Marlene’s was the best!  Who knew local health food stores could have such lovely delis!), and vegans are so common that no one bats an eyelash in encountering one.  I was safe, happy, and comfortable in this environment.  I shopped every week at Trader Joe’s, because, for the things that I normally buy, it was the least expensive option.  When I first moved to the PNW, Trader Joe’s was a welcome, familiar place.  I also frequented Marlene’s…surprise, surprise.

I moved to the South in July.  And boy oh boy, was there plenty of culture shock in the food department.  Nearest Whole Foods?  60 minutes away.  Trader Joe’s? Around the same.  Nearest health food store (a tiny one, without a deli)?  A good 6 miles away.  The nearest grocery store?  Kroger.  The only grocery stores in town?  Food Lion, and…Kroger.  I’ve had to reassemble life without inexpensive access to organic baby carrots, natural peanut butter, free-range chicken, gluten-free snickerdoodles, sweet potato chips, organic olive oil, vinho verde, and…basically everything I’m used to snacking on.  Any (rare) equivalent I might find at Kroger’s is around 100% more expensive.

The funny thing is, Trader Joe’s requires a high collegiate population in order to place a store in that city.  Lynchburg is teeming with undergraduate and graduate students.  Why no Trader Joe’s?  Why?

And it’s not just Trader Joe’s I’m missing.  I still mope over the fact that I can’t pop over to Metropolitan Market and grab a vegan, gluten-free cupcake.  Those kind of cupcakes don’t exist in Lynchburg.  I’d have to scrounge up the ingredients to make them myself, and would seriously luck out if I didn’t have to spend half a day traveling to find them.  BUT.  I would be very happy if there was just a Trader Joe’s nearby.

There’s something to be said for eating familiar foods; it’s good for the soul, don’t you think?  Somehow, everything else will be okay, as along as I can put familiar foods in my belly.  But for now, there’s an ache in my belly and consequently, my soul, because they miss Trader Joe’s.

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captain obvious

I stated before that I do not make a habit of debating politics.

Just in case you forgot.

However, consider this quote from the President regarding last night’s historical event (via Twitter.  Yes, you can follow the prez on twitter, and it’s not his teleprompter, either).

“This is major reform.  This is what change looks like.”

No freakin’ way, really?  Remind me again…what does change look like?

Wow, do we have a candidate for Captain Obvious.

(I am not going to argue for or against the health care reform bill, by the way.  No comments here.  You can discuss/debate all you want, but I won’t be included.  That’s not the point.)

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quote of the week

“Guys can communicate by sounds.

“Girls are so sophisticated they have to use words.”

[courtesy of the musical genius, Danny-boy.]

I got news for you, bro.  Words have sounds.

Also, thanks for pointing out that women are smarter.  Haha.

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this is hilarious!

This guy has a sense of humor.  He contributes some good stuff to this blog, too.

(BTW, sorry; but you probably won’t get his humor unless you are pretty well read in the theology department.)

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from the blogging universe, 3 – for some laughs.

Since I have been dealing with headaches and the temporary loss of my dear MacBook, I can now identify with Kuzco in The Emperor’s New Groove:  “DAHHH!  You threw off my groove!!”  My blogging groove, that is. Thus, a plug for some cool blogs is coming right up.  See the previous plugs here and here if you missed them.

Did I mention it was raining yesterday?  And thundering?  I love it.  Technically, it’s not summer, but I love summer storms.  That’s ONE thing I like about the freakish high desert.

Not many of you have voted on the pickles poll.  I would like to post the results soon, but I need more participants.  Then I will another poll.  And perhaps another.  😉

Okay, now down to business.

For your smile/laugh of the day, visit  The Adventures of Chaz and Jack.  It’s a comic based on real experiences as clerks in a Christian retail store.  Also, you might get a kick out of The Habitation of Justice (he doesn’t write funny stuff all the time, but when it’s funny, it’s hilariously funny).  I also recently discovered Stuff Christians Like (I’m guessing the idea comes from Stuff White People Like), thanks to my blogging friend Caroline.  Side-splitting!

Check ’em out!

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how god killed plan A

Okay peeps…it’ll take too long to relate the past four months in detail, so here is a summarized timeline.

-June…was a cool month.  school ended, and i got to visit the fam down in soCal.

-July…pretty boring, except for the 4th.

-August…began as another tedious working month, until i got the idea to travel to london in the fall.  that idea soon unraveled into an opportunity to LIVE in london, which i snagged with almost no hesitation.

-September…very, very interesting month.  the 1st was my fly-out-of-the-county date.  I flew out of seattle that night, and arrived in london on the 2nd, only to be sent back 12 hours later. (shoot me an email for details).  so, plan A was shot down, and poor summer was without an au pair.  problem was, i didn’t have a plan B, mainly because i am naïve and sometimes idealistic.  so here i am, back in seattle 48 hours after i tried to escape.  i have some very gracious friends who offered to take me in, and i stayed with them for 5 days.

now, guess where i am.  try.

you got it.

the very place i’ve been trying to avoid ever since i fled**. 

the place i grew up in.  the dry, dusty, deserty, windy, two-seasony, joshua-tree-prolificacy, dirty, hick-y,….ugh.  hesperia, ca.  the place where riding your dirt bike is the THING to do on weekends.  don’t get me wrong; i love my friends and family, but….hesperia.  why??

God really has a sense of humor, folks.  So, stay tuned as i develop a plan B.


** well, not really…try “evaded”…hmm, actually, that doesn’t work, either.  i did move away to school, where i discovered much better places.  let’s leave it at that.


It seems I’ve been quite the slacker this summer. I had better intentions for this blog, and I regret now not having put the time that summer normally gives into this blog. My apologies to the few who would actually read this :). I hope to get things rolling again this week, although it may be a little slow.

To top things off, I’ve been unexpectedly 🙂 tagged by Cliff, or as students of DrV(arner) know him, Clive. 🙂

1. One book that changed your life.

Well, of course the Bible. I’m tempted to leave it at that because I have such a hard time making decisions :). Um, probably Basics of Biblical Greek.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once.

Hehe. Can I be completely random? Eating Well for Optimum Health

3. One book you’d want on a desert island.

Just one? How horrible. That’s depressing, if you ask me. I’d definitely want my Bible. If I had the entire vocab of the Greek NT memorized I might take that. Maybe Is There a Meaning in This Text?

4. One book that made you laugh.

I remember when I used to read a lot of novels. With my sense of humor, however, I can usually find something to laugh at in 80% of the books I read.

5. One book that made you cry.

It was probably a novel.

6. One book that you wish had been written.

Well, right now I’m wishing someone would have written a flawless commentary of Revelation. **EDIT** According to Cliff (and thank you), flawless commentaries have been written. So now I have to change my answer. Or should I? I don’t have an infinite knowledge of books. Oh, I know. How to Survive First Year Hebrew with Dr. Boyd

7. One book that you wish had never been written.

Jesus and Buddha

8. One book you’re currently reading.

Text of the New Testament

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read.

A meaningful book or just a book? I enjoy being random. A Generous Orthodoxy , God, Language and Scripture , Crime and Punishment (which I started, but never finished).

10. Now tag five people.
Who is left to tag? If you happen to read this and haven’t done it yet, consider yourself tagged.

It would seem that the obvious answer to the vast majority of these questions is…”Bible”….hmm…