thinking ahead

you know, the more weddings i go to, the more expensive & elaborate they seem.  i told my mom that the more weddings i attend, the less i want to have one.

i seriously wouldn’t mind just eloping, and then throwing a party later.  why not use the money for a good cause?

but then i would have some pretty annoyed friends… and not to mention, family.  likewise, there are more than a few people who would say marriage involves community, and including one’s community as a witness of the marriage covenant is a non negotiable.

thoughts?

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5 thoughts on “thinking ahead

  1. Matt R. says:

    from a guy’s perspective…

    I don’t think most of us look forward at all to the wedding itself. It seems like a big waste of money and time. SO much planning and detail and money goes into the ceremony when there are so many more important things to think about (like the marriage itself).

    but…

    like you said- to blow off a wedding ceremony would hurt or anger a lot of people (especially close relatives). I’m not sure the best beginning to a new parents-in-law/ son/daughter in law relationship is to potentially irk and anger and hurt people whose son/daughter you are about to marry.

    Ultimately I think weddings are for the families, especially the moms. I don’t know what most women think of weddings, I think it probably varies a good deal- some seem to invest their whole life’s blood into it. But spending tons of money on a big wedding I think is excessive. small inexpensive wedding to keep the relatives happy- but as for me, I look forward to marriage, but not at all to a wedding….

  2. me says:

    so bri…
    i agree, i think that big wedding and the elaborate receptions that follow are such a waste of time and money and they just cause stress. not only that, but the money could be used on such better things than at times what seems like self serving luxury.
    marriage and community are so important, but community doesn’t have to involve every one and their mama! your community in one sense consists of people truly invested in your life and marriage and vice versa….this could be one couple or three close close friends, mentors, etc..
    eloping is one extreme, but so is the fancy $40,000 wedding.
    i think there is a simple and beautiful middle ground that involves
    you your spouse to be and family*
    for example, my roommate is newly engaged and she plans to get married at the farmhouse she grew up in with only her family. she knows some friends are disappointed, but ultimately, they love her, so they know her, and they also know her wedding day is not about what they want.
    she is the least stressed bride to be i’ve ever seen. she isn’t worried about a big fancy dress, or which forks to rent, or what color napkins, or how her bridesmaids will look in their dresses… she is excited to marry jesse and their life together.
    oh, and after the wedding at some point they will have a very non formal get together with friends to celebrate.
    how cool is that?
    thoughts on thoughts?

    *to include your community

  3. Bren says:

    I agree with r on this one. My sentiments exactly. Why would I want to share such a special event with just anybody? And why would I pour all that money on details that have nothing to do with actually getting married? The only thing that matters is that you’re getting married to the person God has brought into your life. I feel no special obligation to outsiders who have no claim to my life now or to include pointless/wasteful details that detract from the actual event.

  4. brideeray says:

    it seems we are all pretty much on the same page.
    as i said, i wouldn’t mind eloping, but there are others to think of.

    i do think the most important people to have witness at one’s wedding are not every friend and relative…EVERY friend and relative….thus i agree with rach; the “community” in this context would be the ones who have already witnessed the couple’s journey to marriage firsthand. an elaborate wedding is simply unnecessary…but throwing a party afterwards shows people you haven’t forgetten about them :).

  5. Nancy says:

    I did not have an elaborate wedding and I did not elope either. I don’t think that everyone on earth has to be here…and we did not spend alot of money…but I think the main jist of the ceremony was to be a testimony and a witness especially to those who don’t know the Lord..we wanted God to be glorified in what was said and done…to encourage believers and witness to unbelievers the covenant you are making with each other and God ..if you can do that in elopement…and that is what you agree upon that is fine…If a public ceremony is best to do that by then do it.. I also agree that it is good to show some type of recognition/appreciation for those who have helped make that covenant possible.

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